I'm going through some post-job burnout in the immediate. Your story vibes with me a lot and rhymes with my experience. I found it on reddit. Thanks for sharing! I appreciate your concept of "soulmaxxing" .. I need to really hone in on doing that myself.
The corporation I worked for got bought out and I felt the tug and pull of the forces. Software development ("engineering") was caught in the middle of it. It felt like I had to get out the seismic equipment to understand what the mythical beasts in the c-suite wanted when the floors started rattling. Oh, someone told them about some new lucrative revenue stream. So yet another re-org or massive hiring wave needed to happen as a consequence. I had the same conversation you had with my technically respectable boss, who admitted he couldn't do anything and to only worry about things that our in our control: not a lot. ... and yes no direct access to customers; just churn.
I saw that everyone up the hierarchy has one interest and it is to protect their paychecks. This is good in some ways, workers should be self interested, but at some point it gets in the way of the long term goals of the company and everyone is working to protect the paychecks of their coworkers and superiors. It was not received very well when explaining this openly; perhaps even harmful because colleagues sowed doubts saying things like: "better to know the devil you know than the devil you don't know" or "there is no such thing as the 'right' job; this should be easy money!"
It was scary and quite a journey to listen to my doubts and leave. Especially since I have a consistent pattern of doing this after a year across my career. Softwarey things are fun and the standard way of making of living with them are not so much.
We are weirdos who maybe aren't as driven by the paycheck alone. I've also been researching a lot about late diagnosed autism and I am mostly certain at this point that I am on that spectrum. I am also looking back on my childhood-- middle school, high school, a little bit post college... the interests I had back then. Those are likely my "special interests" and part of unmasking is reconnecting with those interests. Building websites and weird tech projects was a passion of mine back then too; especially Linux sysadmin stuff, playing with wires, photoshop, print media, phreaking. I can't be embarrassed by them even though the world is always telling me to conform and be otherwise. Fuck 'em.
Travel charges me up, gives me the simulation and inspiration to do exciting things. Not everyone is like this and that's fine. I can't listen to them. Though when I travel too much then I've found myself stagnating in other ways. Stay in place too much; stagnate in others.
I also have some ambition to dive into Japan. I haven't watched enough subbed anime to be fluent but it seems like an exciting place. I'm curious to follow your journey :)
Hey Vince, thanks for your comments! I'm glad to hear that we have similar experiences. It sucks to be a normal hacker focusing on building stuff or creating business value and yet to experience disagreements with the "hierarchy." Kinda funny what your coworkers said about "the devil you know...." you can't make this stuff up lol. I wish you the best in your journey! What do you think is coming next?
Thanks. I think I have to focus on rebuilding my own routine and downsize downsize downsize! I'm still on the journey from a 2000sqft home full of junk, aiming for a couple bags, bike, and car. Continue planning a trip to Asia. Figuring out what else it means for me to soulmax and break that ice.
I'm going through some post-job burnout in the immediate. Your story vibes with me a lot and rhymes with my experience. I found it on reddit. Thanks for sharing! I appreciate your concept of "soulmaxxing" .. I need to really hone in on doing that myself.
The corporation I worked for got bought out and I felt the tug and pull of the forces. Software development ("engineering") was caught in the middle of it. It felt like I had to get out the seismic equipment to understand what the mythical beasts in the c-suite wanted when the floors started rattling. Oh, someone told them about some new lucrative revenue stream. So yet another re-org or massive hiring wave needed to happen as a consequence. I had the same conversation you had with my technically respectable boss, who admitted he couldn't do anything and to only worry about things that our in our control: not a lot. ... and yes no direct access to customers; just churn.
I saw that everyone up the hierarchy has one interest and it is to protect their paychecks. This is good in some ways, workers should be self interested, but at some point it gets in the way of the long term goals of the company and everyone is working to protect the paychecks of their coworkers and superiors. It was not received very well when explaining this openly; perhaps even harmful because colleagues sowed doubts saying things like: "better to know the devil you know than the devil you don't know" or "there is no such thing as the 'right' job; this should be easy money!"
It was scary and quite a journey to listen to my doubts and leave. Especially since I have a consistent pattern of doing this after a year across my career. Softwarey things are fun and the standard way of making of living with them are not so much.
We are weirdos who maybe aren't as driven by the paycheck alone. I've also been researching a lot about late diagnosed autism and I am mostly certain at this point that I am on that spectrum. I am also looking back on my childhood-- middle school, high school, a little bit post college... the interests I had back then. Those are likely my "special interests" and part of unmasking is reconnecting with those interests. Building websites and weird tech projects was a passion of mine back then too; especially Linux sysadmin stuff, playing with wires, photoshop, print media, phreaking. I can't be embarrassed by them even though the world is always telling me to conform and be otherwise. Fuck 'em.
Travel charges me up, gives me the simulation and inspiration to do exciting things. Not everyone is like this and that's fine. I can't listen to them. Though when I travel too much then I've found myself stagnating in other ways. Stay in place too much; stagnate in others.
I also have some ambition to dive into Japan. I haven't watched enough subbed anime to be fluent but it seems like an exciting place. I'm curious to follow your journey :)
Hey Vince, thanks for your comments! I'm glad to hear that we have similar experiences. It sucks to be a normal hacker focusing on building stuff or creating business value and yet to experience disagreements with the "hierarchy." Kinda funny what your coworkers said about "the devil you know...." you can't make this stuff up lol. I wish you the best in your journey! What do you think is coming next?
Thanks. I think I have to focus on rebuilding my own routine and downsize downsize downsize! I'm still on the journey from a 2000sqft home full of junk, aiming for a couple bags, bike, and car. Continue planning a trip to Asia. Figuring out what else it means for me to soulmax and break that ice.